hallelujah
by Icy Peach
Summary: Yay, a decent length piece. Much Tifa angst. But do not despair, fic is Cloud/Tifa.


hallelujah  
  
  
  
[ i heard there was a secret chord  
that david played to please the lord ]  
  
Tifa sighed as her fingers made contact with the smooth ivory keys of the piano, her fingernails clicking with the faintest of noise as she let go a long-held breath. She'd been nothing more than a child when she'd last touched the instrument, but as she watched her hands start to move, she hadn't lost the skill.  
How Momma had loved to hear her girl play.  
A tiny gust of air and dust escaped from between the black and white, curling around Tifa's wrist and then fading away. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, just a little, arching her back as she played.  
It was funny the way that something as simple as music kicked up old ghosts.  
  
[ but you don't really care for music, do you ]  
  
A pity she'd never pulled herself together and played for Cloud.   
She'd wanted to back then, when her mother died. Back when she still allowed herself to take solace from anything.   
For his eyes, already an awful and grown-up kind of blue, would focus on her with a kind of intensity that filled her with energy best spent on the piano.  
And when he left, she banished herself from it, refusing to touch what was once her most constant friend. In one simple movement, pulling the lid over the keys, she'd carefully sealed her heart in the piano. For another day, she'd told her father. I'm saving it for another day.  
But those damnable aches kept eating away at her, and while she refused to give in, maybe to touch the keys again would soften the edges.  
  
[ it goes like this:   
the fourth   
the fifth  
the minor fall  
the major lift]  
  
Here where she was safe in her room, once again a child with tears on her cheeks as she played in desperate hope, the music began to pool on the floor.  
  
[ the baffled king composing ]  
  
It was entirely selfish of her to ask if they couldn't just make a tiny stop at Nibelheim before Cosmo Canyon.   
But she needed this so badly.  
What she had once deemed the eternal struggle between herself and Aeris had ended, but, oh god, she hadn't wanted it this way.  
'What are you saying, Lockheart? You won'.  
  
[ hallelujah ]  
  
'Did I?'  
Her brow furrowed and she hit an angry eigth note.  
'She's gone now, but she just carved her name on him forever. Nobody forgets the girl who loved everyone so much she died.'  
  
[ your faith was strong but you needed proof ]  
  
'Nobody forgets an angel.'  
Her thumb struck its note hard enough to throb.   
  
[ you saw her bathing on the roof  
her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you ]  
  
The music whirled and eddied about her knees, flooding through the halfway open door and down the stairs.  
It was a beautiful, holy kind of moment, the sight of Aeris kneeling before them, praying for their safety, brilliant and sharp purity that nearly brought her to retch.  
Not so much out of base jealousy, as that was always present, but from her own dingy soul, overwhelmed and drowning in the Cetra's foreign light. She'd choked back a sob as Cloud ran towards her, but stayed still.   
She'd wanted to keep from tainting the moment, but the truth was that she wasn't certain if she'd wanted to refrain from tainting Aeris' libation or if she was frightened that her haze of sorrowful resignation might be pierced.  
  
[ she tied you to a kitchen chair  
she broke your throne   
she cut your hair]  
  
'Of course, nothing that sweet can stay in this place.'  
  
Tifa frowned at her fingers, moving dutifully on the keys, and tried to swallow the rising of her stomach.  
  
Only someone like her could doubt a martyr.  
But she'd been so angry that Aeris had sat grinning like an idiot while Sephiroth cut her open, and Cloud's eyes took on that awful quality again, like he'd been kicked out of Heaven.  
'It's wrong for me to hate her for leaving him, but god knows I've never been right before.'  
  
[ and from your lips she drew the hallelujah ]  
  
'And it's worse for me to be jealous of her for dying.'  
But she couldn't forget the rare display of emotion as Cloud had laid the flower girl's broken body to rest.   
'He felt something, and it sure as hell wasn't about me.'  
The music lapped at her legs in sympathy.  
  
[ hallelujah ]  
  
Since she was no creature of the light like Aeris, she was allowed these petty jealousies.  
'Lucky me.'  
  
[ hallelujah  
hallelujah  
hallelujah ]  
  
Heavy boots crept quietly on the carpeted floor of the Lockheart's long abandoned living room, damp with the music, and splashed up the stairs, wading through the hallway until he stood at the source, one hand steady on the doorframe.  
  
[ i did my best it wasn't much ]  
  
She sniffled, feeling the self-pity wash over her.  
And as the music thundered through the piano, she killed it once again, rocking convulsively.   
'Don't deserve him anyway, so it doesn't matter.'  
  
Cloud pushed through the door, shutting it soundlessly behind him, his eyes focused intensly on the petite brunette pounding out a bittersweet melody on the piano keys. His barely developed sense of empathy announced 'she's sad.'  
  
[ i couldn't feel so i learned to touch ]  
  
"Tifa." He breathed her name, not expecting her to hear or respond.  
Instead, she simply shook her head.  
  
'He came.' She was surprised, but lowered her eyes to the unseen music sheet. 'Probably wants me to knock this racket off.' Rocking herself gingerly again, she fought off the urge to fling herself against him and be lost.  
  
He stepped closer. "What are you playing?"  
She didn't answer.  
"It's pretty, whatever it is." Cloud clenched his fists. 'I'm trying, Tif.' He wanted to make her stop hurting, for only the millionth time in his life, but he couldn't quite remember what he should do. Aeris' smiling face rose unbidden to the front of his mind. 'I'll give it a shot,' he thought, trying to suppress the fear the thought provoked.  
  
Tifa's mouth dropped open as she felt him kneel behind her and wrap his arms, strong as she'd always imagined, around her waist, his hot face pressing against her neck and cheek.  
  
[ i've told the truth  
i didn't come to fool you ]  
  
She stopped playing, turning to that she could get a look at his eyes. "What are you doing?"  
His mouth was so close to her that she could taste his breath. "You were sad. You were always sad. I thought I'd come listen to you play."  
Tifa's heart grew painfully tight, and then expanded, and for a moment she was afraid her chest wouldn't contain it.  
He covered her mouth with his, kissing her for the first time as tentatively as he would have as a child, and then fiercely, quickly gaining acceptance into her mouth, warm and soft beneath his.  
She sat stunned, her lips pliant but unresponding, and then lunged forward, returning his kiss with such urgency that it took them both to the floor.  
  
[ and even though it all went wrong  
i'll stand before the lord of song  
with nothing on my lips but hallelujah ]  
  
Even through her fevered passion, Tifa could still hear the music soulfully emenating from the piano, and she could almost see the ghostly pale hands producing it.  
  
She laughed, catching her breath as Cloud's arms tightened around her. 'Aeris, you crazy romantic bitch-saint, you never change.'  
  
[ hallelujah  
hallelujah  
hallelujah ]  
  
And the music flooded over them again in brilliantly white waves.  
  
[ h a l l e l u j a h ]  
  
Author Notes:  
I like this one. It contains many of my theories on the Cloud/Tifa/Aeris triangle, which are numerous and perhaps half-baked, but make for decent plot fodder.   
Questions, comments, complaints? Feedback makes for a happy writer.  
As usual, nothing belongs to me. Cloud and his girls belong to Square, and I believe Rufus Wainwright is the singer of "Hallelujah". 


End file.
